These are your messengers.
Through your messengers that which causes you to finally be responsible and honest about where you are will be brought up within you.
And this is where your commitment to awakening holds you steady. In this commitment you finally decide to not leave the room when the shouting begins - that is, the shouting within your own mind. You at last decide to stay, asking "what is this experience, this Messenger here to teach me?"
Now you can allow peace, where there once was none, knowing that the conspiracy of the Universe is bringing you home.
Shalom
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12 comments:
Steve, I hope this is true. The day before yesterday I woke up with the understanding, clear and unequivocal, that feelin guilty and unhappy about my past was not only pointless, but harmful to the freeing of the people I have hurt. That my unhappiness and regret over certain decisions made in the past had become my identity, and was ruining further the relationships I want to heal. It was a blissful realization. I went through the day with joy.
The next day I was as low and depressed as I have ever been. Anguish, tears, rage took their turn.
This morning I am calmer, hopeful that new insights and deeper self honestly will emerge. Is that how it works? Is that my Ego saying, "oh, no, you are not getting rid of me so easily!!!"'
Or what?
Thank you for your open heart. The answer to your question about the ego is yes. That is what the ego says. That is the "shouting" I mention in the post.
It sounds like you are getting the idea that being "responsible" is not about blaming yourself, or feeling guilty. That's a huge step forward in your journey.
You simply made choices in the past - perhaps knowingly, perhaps unconsciously - but you were doing all you knew to do at the time, and you were doing your best. Now you see that those choices do not serve you or your relationships anymore, and you are beginning to formulate new choices that will create a different experience for you.
The ego doesn't give up, mostly because you and it have a long history together. Over the course of that history the ego has been a big influence. The shift away from that way of thinking takes courage and humility; it takes giving up the need to be right; it takes allowing the experiences that are being brought to you to teach you to love more fully.
Joy to you on your path.
Shalom.
Steve
I am feeling that my personality structure is on shaky ground, which I understand can be a good thing, or, perhaps I am losing my mind. Also a good thing!! But many tears and grief over loss of the past, losses over spoiled relationships. Finding this processs difficult, not yet seeing the way forward, nor what choices I can make now which will lead to changed outcomes. And do I really know what they should be, anyway?
I would like to share with you a poem I wrote several years ago, when I began to consciously engage with my own journey...
Perhaps The Time Has Come
Perhaps the time has come
to put down the need to know
to cease the pressures of the mind
to allow emptiness to occupy
and absorb all thought.
What is most frightening to you?
Where do you flee when you
feel no control over what
has always been in your grasp?
Does this help, or is it illusion?
This place of unknowing,
this observatory in the mountain
of your soul, from where
the panorama of your life
drops out and away before you.
Breathe, see, be
with no expectation.
From here, you can choose.
Perhaps the time has come
to relinquish the need to know,
to surrender,
and for once, for the first time
grow in your heart’s freedom.
How do you feel about the role of diet in the awakening process? Alcohol? I am thinking alcohol is an attempt to stay in control, but not so sure about food.
I think that all your experience is the effect of where you choose to focus the attention of your consciousness. Nothing is outside of you.
Is something (use of alcohol, food) right? Is it wrong? These do not apply. What you desire is immediately apparent in your life, and you have the eyes to see whether this is something you wish to continue in or not. If what you are experiencing in this moment is not what you wish to continue in, become clear about what you truly desire now, and begin following that thread with every choice you make.
Ok. The line between trusting the universe, or God, to guide you, and choosing something different is not clear to me. I would like to let go of all shoulds in my life and rlax into the hands of god but feel irresponsible. All I really want at the moment is to heal an important relationship in my life and there isn't a lot I can do, except write a letter, and am finding that almost impossible. I am aware that the universe is operating in all of our lives, and that changes are taking place even now, but do I wait for clarity or press it a little? I am not even sure I ought to be in this person's life, although as it is my child that is a painful thought.
I appreciate your words and the spirit behind them. Thank you.
Would you recommend reading the way of mastery?
Above comment irrelevant. Feel strangely passive, though, waiting for some clarity.
What occurred such that your comment is "irrelevant?"
I guess when I wrote that it was irrelevant I felt I was being importunate, and the answer was to continue to read your words as well as other things I am reading, and wait for clarity. Very difficult for someone who hates unresolved situations and loves to get in there and "fix it", often with disastrous results. The other side of that coin is avoidance. Sometimes I glimpse, blissfully, that it is already resolved. Then I think I am living in a fool's paradise. Maybe I think too much. Or maybe I want too much reassurance.
Using your symbology, the coin: one side is "there's something wrong, and I need to fix it;" the other side is "there's something wrong, I need to avoid it." This coin can be flipped for eternity, and there never will be any growth. It is a vicious circle of illusion; a dead end with no end.
How about a new coin?
You know what it is, because you have glimpsed (your word) it.
This is not an easy shift in perception (unless, of course, it is) for most of us. It takes some hard work confronting what you have assumed to be true, exposing it to be illusion.
I'm glad you are finding something in what I write, and I would like to suggest two other sources for you.
1. The Work of Byron Katie. She has a wonderful website, and several books, and she speaks worldwide, usually for free. Pick up her book, "Loving What Is." Also, go to www.thework.com.
2. The Way Of Mastery. This is my chosen spiritual text. Its not the only thing I read, but it is what I always go back to. Not for everyone, but truly transforming and powerful in my life. www.shantichristo.org.
Tell me about your new coin.
Shalom
Stephen
Dear Steve, I did nothing, but accepted that I could do nothing. That is the new coin, I guess, a hard won currency, but with amazing results. That relationship is better than it has ever been. Although there was another life changing event, also out of my control, which occurred in the meantime and had some impact, i only accepted the situation and let go of the results. I am grateful for your support and helpful words. Where have you gone?
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