The Way

"The way to God can only be found in your willingness to embrace and live fully the very life that is within you and that unfolds through you with each moment."

Quoted from The Way Of Mastery, Lesson 3, The Power of Forgiveness

I refuse any longer to judge my life so harshly. I choose to live freely without regret.

I now assume responsibility in this very moment for all I see, all I think, all I feel and all that I remember. I am the one that gives these perceptions form, substance and energy. I embrace my creations, and therefore transform them.

Of myself, I can do nothing. But the Father, through me, does all things.

Father bring each moment to me that I might learn anew to love, and to allow that love to transform this temporary illusion into that which extends the good, the holy and the beautiful.

Get Over It

I was having a conversation the other day with a friend. She was sharing some thoughts and feelings about a work situation, feeling frustrated at how emotional she was. She said, "I just need to get over it."

Does this sound familiar? I just need to get over it, get past it, get on with it. I need to grow up, buck up, shut up. Just can it, stuff it, put a lid on it. All variations on a theme: if you don't like what's going on in you, push it away.

I asked my friend, "How do you do that?"

"What?"

"Get over it. How do you 'get over it.'"

"Well, I just have to forget about it, you know, keep myself together..."

"Okay. But how do you do that?"

She saw that I was going to be persistent. She looked a little dismayed and stumped.

I went on, "I know when I've tried to 'get over it,' the emotion, the feelings, and the judgments that come with them, never really go away. There is always some residue of resentment, or anger, or sadness. So ... I'm just wondering ... how you do it."

How does one "get over it?"

In my view, the big problem here is not the desire to be done with the feelings. The big problem is the self-judgment I have in the moment I say "I've just got to get over it." Think about when you have said it. What was the force behind the question? For me it is frustration, anger, bitterness. And so if that is how I feel when I "just get over it," then what have I really accomplished for myself? Not much. But this is how I went through a lot of my life. And I can tell you, I was one angry, frustrated, bitter guy. I wasn't much fun to be around, but the worst of it was that I didn't like myself, I didn't like being me.

I have found a way to work through these challenging situations that is more self-affirming and gentle than "Stuff-It Mode." I'll break this down for you.

First, I came to the point where I finally accepted responsibility for what I experience in life, feelings and all. My experience happens in me, not "out there." I often do desire to pass this responsibility over to the fellow that "made me so mad!" But when I get into that place of blaming the world (my circumstances) for my reactive state, I have to ask myself, if he's responsible for my anger, who is responsible for my happiness?

Someone once asked me, with a stirred up voice, "You're telling me that I am to blame for how pissed off I am? He's the one that did this to me."

Let's be clear: I am not blaming you or me or anyone or anything. I am talking about responsibility. Some people hear "blame" when they hear the word "responsibility." This is an important distinction to have. They are not the same. Blame comes from judgment that I have. Responsibility comes from a place of self-love. When I blame, I am powerless. When I am responsible, I am powerful.

So what happens when I take responsibility? What is so powerful about it? Choice. I get to choose. I choose the experience I have in every moment.

I can hear it now: “What!? I did not choose to be upset. It ... it just happened...” Well, no. Nothing “just happens.” I know that the choice I make in this kind of circumstance is unconscious, that is, I just seem to react. It doesn’t really feel like a choice. I feel powerless over it. But if it is a choice, then I have the power to make a different choice.

So, if instead of trying to push the circumstance away, I now move toward it, I can explore it with curiosity and without judgment. As I give attention to this reaction I am experiencing, I can find the source of the choice I have made concerning this kind of circumstance. Perhaps it is a way to defend myself that I learned early in my life. I can understand how I made that choice, and notice that it is not helpful now. I might begin to see how the choices I made then are running my life now.

In this light, I can now look at my life in each moment and know that it is my way home. Nothing has gone wrong. I am always at choice. Everything that “comes up” offers me an opportunity to become more awake, more conscious and more alive.

I have discovered that gentleness and mercy toward myself are necessary. I like to think of this as embracing my emotions. Taking them to myself. Understanding them. Honoring the choices that I made in the past, that I have now brought to consciousness. Embracing those choices, and then choosing again. Until I assume responsibility for all my choices, conscious and unconscious, I will be “under the circumstances.” As I embrace my life, move toward it, I can always choose again.


For more, see The Way Of Mastery.

Reality and Experience

There is a phrase that is used quite a bit in new thought circles: "I create my reality." I understand what meaning is intended, but the word “reality” is not the right word to use. The more precise statement would be: "I create my experience." I was making this point at a workshop a few months ago. One of the participants said to me "Reality... Experience... What's the difference?" Let's explore this distinction, which is fundamental and huge.

Reality is what is true always about me, about you, about all events, and about the nature of the universe. I do not create my reality. That is already done. The truth that is true always - reality -  is established.

 

Experience - my experience - is how I perceive reality. I do create my experience, and I do it moment-to-moment. My experience is neither reality nor truth. It just is. It is what it is because of how I choose to perceive the world.

A really good question to ask right now is, “What is reality?” That is, what is the truth that is true always? Famously, Pontius Pilate asked this very question of Jesus before handing him over to the crowd to be crucified. He asked it in a sarcastic way, which is unfortunate, because he was asking a person that could have answered the question. So let’s ask it now, sincerely.

What is the truth that is true always?

• The truth that is true always is that God is love.
• The truth that is true always is that all of creation is birthed out of this source: God, Love... including you and me.
• The truth that is true always is that all events are neutral, not good or bad, positive or negative, right or wrong. These are judgments we place upon the events.
• The truth that is true always is that I am always at choice to perceive reality as I desire. So are you.
• (There are other truths that are true always, but these tasty little nuggets are enough to munch on right now.)

These are aspects of what is true always. Truth does not depend upon anything for it to be true, not even my belief in it. How I experience truth, is, well...my experience. My experience does not alter the truth, but I can choose to alter my experience.

My experience happens in me, not “out there.” This is something I was never taught, so mostly I give my experience over to my circumstances. I experienced being “under the circumstances.” I have thought my circumstances determined my experience.

This is not true. What is true is that all events (circumstances) are neutral. I give them valence by deciding how I will perceive them. So my experience happens inside me, not “out there.” As a matter of fact, my experience has nothing to do with what is “out there,” and everything to do with what is in me: my beliefs, morals, judgments, assessments, etc.

So what?

One of the very wonderful aspects of consciousness is the ability to witness our lives. We have an ability to be self-aware. We can use this to become observant of how we are perceiving our circumstances. To the degree that we notice the “charge” we give to any situation in life, we are able then to be responsible for our experience, rather than blame the world for it. Since our experience is what we have chosen to make it, out of that responsibility, we can choose again.

We don’t create our reality. We do create our experience.

Experience the joy of this truth!

More about beliefs, morals, judgments and assessments  in subsequent posts. Check back!

For more: The Way Of Mastery

Experience Is Effect

I had an experience several years ago that literally turned my mental and spiritual life around. I was taking part in a transformational training (that grew out of the EST model of training). Through the interaction I was having with other participants and the trainer, I was experiencing tremendous rage at some things that had occurred in my earlier life. I was seeing how those circumstances had informed all of my emotions and thinking since. As I allowed this howling rage to move, there was a moment that it all suddenly stopped. I collapsed onto the floor. I was very awake, conscious of my surroundings and the people about me. But I was on the floor, curled up, covering my face.

Deep peace came over me; the consuming rage was simply gone. I opened my eyes, but instead of seeing my hands over my face, I saw a great dark expanse of the universe. Slowly a line of light stretched across that darkness. On this line I could see distinctly every event of my life from my moment of birth to this moment on the floor. Then a thought came into my mind. It was very prominent, like when a person speaks, but there was no sound. I just knew that this thought was what I needed to give attention to. The thought was, "It is all perfect."

From that moment, I knew that there has never been a moment in my life that "shouldn't have happened," or that was "wrong." It has taken me a long time since then to understand what I was given in that training room. A lot of that time was spent looking for a way to justify what I had always believed: that I have been at the mercy of my circumstances all my life, a victim of unfortunate events and relationships that should never have happened

This thought, "It is all perfect," just flew in the face of that paradigm. But this is exactly what turned me about. I would like to share what I have come to know.

I have come to know that all my experience is the effect of where I choose to focus the attention of my consciousness.

 The idea that every event in my life was just right, that is was "perfect," was not congruent with what I had held as true. So, if what I held as true was not really true, what was it? It was just a way of seeing what happened. Neither of these ways of looking at my life changed what actually happened, but how I chose to look at what actually happened changed my experience. In other words my experience is the effect of how I choose to see my circumstances.

"The Work" of Byron Katie has been a powerful tool for me in learning this. I refer you to: Katie doing The Work with a woman and Byron Katie Website

In my next post, I will share with you the most powerful practice I know for moving forward on the path of personal and spiritual growth: forgiveness. This is very different from what we have been taught forgiveness is. It is even beyond the current teaching of "Radical Forgiveness." (See About Radical Forgiveness.)

Remember that you are loved, you are loving and you are lovable forever.

What if...?

What if nothing happened by coincidence?

What if that applied to me?
    My birth?
    Every event in my life?
    Every person I ever met or was in relationship with?

What if every experience I ever had was the result of my focused attention?

What if, since nothing happens by coincidence, that it happened because of my choice?

What if the world as I see it now is not caused by anything outside of me?

What if my experience has nothing to do with controlling circumstances?

What if I took responsibility for everything in my life, every experience I ever had or will have.

What if these things were simply self-caused?

What if I thought about responsibility as “I’m to blame?” What if I didn’t?

What if I didn’t need to be right, or to defend my point of view?

What if I could just be curious about everything?

What if I thought of my experience as evidence of what I was really committed to?

What if I decided to commit to something different?

What if I decided to focus on what is in me rather than the effects it creates in the world?

What if there was something more than surviving?

What if I didn’t have to worry about surviving?

What if there was no way I could lose? What if this life wasn’t a test or a competition?

What if I really and truly knew that I am loved?

What if I knew I was safe?

What if I knew that I was innocent?

What if I was not separate from any one or anything?

What if all knowledge, all wisdom, all time, and all love was already in me?

What if I really thought about each of these questions?

What if there was no agenda behind these questions?

What if I was simply, innocently curious about my answers, about what I thought?

Have A Light Touch With Yourself

I have spent many years fighting with "my demons," that on-going conversation within my mind that was able to convince me of my own ineptness, my own guilt, my own weaknesses, my own undeserving-of-anything-good nature. It seemed like other people's on-going inner conversation was convincing them of just the opposite: their worthiness, their ability, their strengths. And so, I got into comparing. Comparing myself against an impossible standard that I had constructed within my own mind, and also against what others seemed to be able to accomplish in their lives, while I struggled to even get off the ground. Some people refer to this on-going conversation as "monkey-mind," or "the committee."

Sound familiar?

Well, I have come to understand some things that have really helped me. Here is one:

I have come to understand that I am responsible for my experience of life. At first this can be a hard one to swallow, but once swallowed and assimilated, it leads to tremendous relief and awakening. One of the hurdles I had with this concept is the word "responsibility." There is a lot of "baggage" that comes with that word. I finally understood that responsibility in this statement does not mean "burden" or "blame," (unless we make it so). Responsibility here means that we choose the experience. We choose the experience by placing meaning or value upon the circumstances we perceive. I discovered that if I am able to witness my circumstances in a way that allowed me to question how I was perceiving them, I could make a different choice. And once a different choice is made, the thoughts that correspond to that choice make sense.

As an example, I used to have a "bad temper." So much so that it got in the way of relationships with my children, work and friends. I even used to fly off the handle at circumstances that didn't go the way I wanted them to, like my car breaking down, a stop light being red, or an appliance not working properly. Slowly, I began to bring some quality of "witness" to these time of anger. Before bashing the toaster with my fist, I began to see that  the toaster was just a toaster. It didn't have an agenda of malice towards me. I saw that whatever I was thinking about the toaster, was creating this experience of rage toward it.

One of the keys to this process is having a light touch with yourself. I found it easy to fall into the thought that I am such a dope for thinking this way. That is a vicious circle of thought that is just another aspect of the on-going chatter of "the committee." So having a light touch with the toaster meant for me that I found the humor in wanting to beat up the f&#%@+g toaster for not cooperating. Not laughing at myself, but laughing with myself for what I had just made up about this situation. I just didn't take it so seriously. Instead of identifying with my anger, I was able to step out of it, and find a lightness and humor in my creation of this experience, through my thoughts about it. The seriousness and the identification began to evaporate with practice. I discovered that it was this great seriousness with in the mind that held these triggers of rage in place. Once I could dis-identify myself from the anger, it left. Having anger is not the problem. The problem was identifying with it. If I am not identified with my anger, I can make a different choice, I can see things differently, I can think differently, and therefore have a different experience.

I've had my toaster for several years now, too.

"All my experience is the effect of where I choose to focus the attention of my consciousness." - The Way of Mastery

Your life...

Each of your days is a blessing and a gift if you use it from the full commitment to awakening. Your day in chock full of a million opportunities to discover a deeper truth. For just behind your experiences there is something deeper taking place. Therefore never feel that the purpose of your life is something other than what you are involved in.

Your ordinary daily life is the most perfect ashram you could ever be within. It is the holy city to which it is wise to make pilgrimage every day, which means to bring awareness and commitment to exactly what you are experiencing. Be thankful for it, bless it, embrace it, be vigilant, and be mindful. What is this moment teaching you?

The universe is conspiring with you to awaken you and to heal you. Say,

I do not live any ordinary moments.

With each breath, my experiences are the stepping stones

laid before me of God to guide me home.

I will bring awareness to each moment,

and allow it to teach me to forgive,

how to embrace, how to love, and therefore how to live fully.

Your life, just as it is unfolding moment-to-moment, is meant for you. The way to God can only be found in your willingness to embrace and live fully the very life that is within you and that unfolds through you with each moment.

Quoted Entirely from The Way Of Mastery
For more information about The Way Of Mastery